I like a good joke. I really do.
Like “I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what’s telling me that.”
Or “How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a light bulb? Let’s go play on our bikes!”
Or “There are two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says “I’ll fire up the turbine, you man the gun”
But the fact is that the governments meta data retention laws that have been signed into law this week are a little expensive for me to laugh at despite Malcom Turnbulls best efforts. More on that later.
The whole scheme smacks of trying to put the Genie back in the bottle. Where it just freaking won’t go.
“Tony! Have you heard there’s a way of transferring information that’s not via Pigeon?”
“Ridiculous, I can tell you that nothing in the world has changed since my journalist days in the 80’s and if it has I want to be stopped or monitored!”
So $400 million dollars a year. That’s how much it will cost to retain your data…or at least to attempt too.
“The government has indicated that it will make a substantial contribution to capital cost. I refer you to the estimate in the PricewaterhouseCoopers report as to the likely average cost per customer per annum. Those discussions have not been finalised. Ultimately, this is a matter that will be determined in the budget process.” – George “potato head” Brandis
Oh yeah don’t worry!! The government will pay for it. Or at least a substantial contribution to the cost..hrum…I wonder where that money comes from…oh WAIT! That’s right it comes from us!
And the supposed purpose of all this data retention? To foil the terrorists!! Uh huh.
So it’s somewhat puzzling why Malcom “Fuck it all” Turnbull would be on national TV telling people (although he was speaking to journalists, I assume that he figured everyone else would block their ears and it’s not like journalists would report what he said) how to circumvent the system that the government is spending $400 million dollars of our money on.
And yet he did, and it’s not the first time he’s been seen spruiking wares from the app store.
“I use Wickr as an application, I use a number of others, I use WhatsApp, because they’re superior over the top messaging platforms; hundreds of millions of people do” he said in February.
He once again spoke of how great and secure these apps are especially from “The prying eyes of this sneaky, sneaky government” he said as he narrowed his eyes and made a start on a tin foil hat.
He then reminded everyone that according to the legislation:
“ISPs will not have to store “records about communications sent or received using third-party communications services running ‘over-the-top’ of their network or service” including popular overseas webmail platforms Gmail and Hotmail.”
And when asked if Journalists have anything to fear “Well, they’ve got nothing in addition to fear. Those call charge records have been accessed by police investigating leaks for decades, but of course you now have the ability by using over-the-top applications – it might just be something straightforward like Whatsapp, it might be a more encrypted over-the-top application – to avoid leaving a trail.” He said. Basically encouraging all in sundry to circumvent the law. I wonder if he has shares in Whatsapp?
“If, on the other hand, I communicate with you via Skype, for a voice call, or Viber, or I send you a message on Whatsapp or Wickr or Threema or Signal or Telegram – there’s a gazillion of them – or indeed if we have a Facetime call, then all that the telco can see insofar as it can see anything is that my device has had a connection with, say, the Skype server or the Whatsapp server … it doesn’t see anything happen with you … It’s important I think for journalists to remember.”
He said whilst burning an effigy of Tony Abbot and George Brandis kissing.
Seriously I think he has shares in Whatsapp.
So basically the Meta data laws are a stupid tax. Anyone not tech savvy enough to circumvent it are the only people that it will affect and I suspect that most cyber criminals are smarter than that.
The only people it benefits are people with shares in Whatsapp (eh, Malcom) people who own VPN’s and…..yep that’s it. The rest of us will be paying for it. Good thing we don’t have other things to spend the money on like indigenous affairs or welfare or Medicare for the elderly. I wonder which of Tony’s friends in business is really benefiting from this?